Looking at all the back to school pictures is bittersweet. I remember growing up having my picture taken
on the first day of school every year. I
remember it being my dream to have children and take their picture on the first
day of school. I remember the years I
had with Shane and taking his picture.
It is hard to think that he is going to be a junior in high
school this year. It is hard to be so
far away from him and not have the opportunity to be a part of his life. But God knows the pain that we are
experiencing… I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t think of him, pray for
him, miss him and hope the best for him.
Some people may think that we have turned our back on him and
continued on with our lives without looking back but that couldn’t be any
further from the truth. Yes, we have
moved on with our lives because in reality that is the only option that we
have… okay we could live in the past… live in the pain… and hold onto the
bitterness but that wouldn’t really be living.
Instead, we have to choose to get up every morning and continue
living. Does that make it any easier or
mean that we miss him any less… not at all… but we understand this is the
reality of our life right now. I
continue to pray that God will bring about healing and reconciliation one day
but until that day I choose to look forward and enjoy what God has given for us
today.
I hope that one day Shane will be able to read these messages
and know that he was loved dearly by us… my prayer is that he would come into
the presence of God and find complete healing in him.
I know we aren’t perfect… I spent months questioning what we
could have done differently… but I can’t live in that any longer. When I see these school pictures I choose to
remember the good times we had as a family.
I choose to remember the goofy, fun loving kid that I get to call my
son. I choose to pray for a brighter
future for him.
I get to go back to work and influence the lives of other
students… I may not be able to be there for Shane during these years but God
has placed many other youth in my life that I can influence, love and point to
Christ. Does that make me any less
Shane’s mother? No… I just get to love
and pray for him at a distance and allow God to do the work in his life that
needs to be done. And until the day that
we are re-united… I am going to love the youth that God has placed in my path
for today..!
Shane's first day of 9th grade...
Shane's first day of 8th grade...
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