I am going through a book called “Choosing
Forgiveness-Your Journey to Freedom” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. It is an area in my life that I am struggling
with… and this book has been very convicting.
I am going to share only some of the quotes that have impacted my life
as I study this book and my own heart. I
have not been able to completely forgive those who have hurt me… I am a work in
progress but it is my desire to forgive completely. I don’t want to go into the details of the
pain but I would love prayer as I walk through this journey towards freedom.
I believe that most of us, in our dealings with others and the
pain they've brought into our lives, would love to get to that point. We’d love to see the pain and bitterness
gone, a non-issue, done away with. But
the problem is, we know that pushing a button won’t make all the feelings
disappear. Why set ourselves up for
disappointment, perhaps leaving the door open for this to happen again and to
hurt us even worse? Why go to all the
emotional trouble of transacting forgiveness if it won’t repair the gaping hole
in our hearts, at least not for a good long time.
***
That is definitely true with me… I would love to see all the pain and
bitterness gone completely. I would love
to forgive but I also know that it won’t necessarily erase all of the pain. I feel a loss in my heart… one that I don’t
know how to repair. I do know that I serve a good God and that on most days I
can find joy and peace in the work and ministry He has prepared for me… but
that still doesn't erase the pain… and unfortunately reconciliation will take
more than just me being able to forgive. It is going to take a long time for me to
trust some people again… if I am ever able to trust them.
When it comes to forgiveness, our Lord would not command us
to do something that He would not enable us to do… So while forgiveness is
indeed costly, it is not beyond the means of those who have Christ’s life
flowing within them.
***
It is hard to trust someone and forgive them when they don’t think they have
done anything wrong… when instead of seeking forgiveness they just blame you
for everything…. when they justify all of their actions… when they don’t want reconciliation or even
forgiveness. This is definitely one of
the most painful experiences I have ever had… and my biggest prayer is that God
will heal my heart… that He will remove the sting of pain… that He will remove
the bitterness… and that He will give me wisdom for the next step in the
process.
Do you have a situation where forgiveness seems
impossible? Perhaps you’re thinking, “I
just can’t forgive this person for what he’s done to me. It’s too painful to deal with. He’s done it too many times. He’s hurt me too deeply.” I wouldn't begin to deny the “deeply hurt”
part. But we must ask ourselves- “Is my
ability or willingness to forgive based on the magnitude of the offense?” It will never be the depth of your love that
causes you to forgive such heartless acts and attitudes. It will never be within your power to
overlook the wicked lies and wild justifications of those who have made you distrustful
of just about everybody. It will be the
love of Christ transplanted into your believing heart that can exchange you
weakness for his strength.
***Wow…
every time I read this I am reminded how much I need Christ. I need His love to be transplanted into my
heart in big ways… my own love is so inadequate. While I have the desire to forgive… the pain
is so deep and I don’t understand how in the end we became the ‘bad guys’. I also don’t understand what forgiveness
looks like since I do not want to go back to the way things were… I don’t want
to live in the fear and frustration that I was experiencing… nights without
sleeping… days of crying out to God for guidance and wisdom… I can’t go back…
so what does the future look like..?
What will my life look like when I am completely immersed in the love of
God? Will His love wipe away all the
pain or will it just help me to continue on one day at a time. My emotions are definitely on a roller
coaster… some days I feel like I am making progress… and then the next day I
feel like I have fallen back into the pit.
Is it my job to make
you pay for what you've done? Do I
really want the added burden of this after all I've been through already? Isn't it foolish to think that revenge could
be a sweet as advertised- sweet enough to make up for the pain of all these
years?
***Thankfully,
even with all of the pain… I still don’t wish for them to pay for what they've
done… I pray that God will have mercy on them… that they will seek after him…
that they will see the truth… that my eyes will be opened up to any lies I may
be telling myself… that all of our hearts will be softened.
I am not suggesting that we should shield others at all costs
from the consequences of their actions, or just take anything they inflict on
us and sit there doing nothing… I’m saying that their judgment before God is
not ours to accelerate.
***
I am so thankful that I do not have to be the one to judge others of their
sins… I am thankful for God’s forgiveness of my own sins. I am disappointed that consequences that
should have been in effect were removed… that actions were justified… and
because of that lessons that could have been learned weren't… but there is
nothing I can do about that and all I can do is pray that in the future they
will learn healthier ways of interacting.
I pray they won’t continue down a path of destruction.
Even when you can’t see the results- though the situation may
not clear up entirely or get any better at all- you can still know that you’ve
done what God has required of you. You can
continue to forgive as His grace and love flow through you. And you can walk in peace- His peace.
*** AMEN..! This is definitely my heart’s desire..!
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