Choosing Forgiveness – Chapter 2 – What happens when we refuse?

I am going through a booking called “Choosing Forgiveness-Your Journey to Freedom” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.  It is an area in my life that I am struggling with… and this book has been very convicting.  I am going to share only some of the quotes that have impacted my life as I study this book and my own heart.  I have not been able to completely forgive those who have hurt me… I am a work in progress but it is my desire to forgive completely.  I don’t want to go into the details of the pain but I would love prayer as I walk through this journey towards freedom. 

 Hatred and bitterness are destroying their lives and relationships – and they know it.  But for whatever reason they've never been willing, or felt able, to release that bitterness and forgive their offenders.

*** I don’t think I was unwilling to forgive… I just didn't know how to do it.  I didn't feel like I was able to release the pain and forgive.  In these past couple weeks God has been working on my heart.  Although the pain is not completely gone, it isn't as strong as it used to be.  I know that God still has work to do in my heart but I cannot think about people without boiling over in anger and pain.  I think the pain I now experience is more of a sadness for what was lost and choices that were made. 

 In our society it is widely acceptable to acknowledge that we've been “hurt” or “wounded”—words that focus on the wrong that has been done to us.  But it’s a lot harder to admit that we've let that hurt escalate (or descend, to use a better word) into unforgiveness or bitterness—which puts responsibility on our shoulders. 

*** I had a hard time taking the responsibility for my wrong responses.  I was very focused on the wrong that was done to me… the injustice and lies that were/are being spread about us.  I can do nothing to change what is being said or believed but I don’t have to allow it to lead me into a life of bitterness.  Lord, forgive me allowing the root of bitterness to grow up in me.  Thank you for removing it… if there are any roots still hiding within me I pray that you would pull them out completely.  Help me to look to you and be filled with the peace that is only found in you.

These kinds of thoughts reveal pockets of resentment and unforgiveness in our hearts.

- I often replay in my mind the incidents that hurt me.

- When I think of a particular person or situation, I still feel angry.

- I try hard not to think about the person, event, or circumstance that caused me so much pain.

- I have a subtle, secret desire to see this person pay for what he or she did to me.

- Deep in my heart, I wouldn't mind if something bad happened to the person that hurt me.

- I often find myself telling others how this person has hurt me.

- A lot of my conversations revolve around this situation.

- Whenever their name comes up, I am more likely to say something negative than something positive about them. 

*** I know that for many months these thoughts penetrated my mind… I fell into each of these negative thought patterns… except for wishing that something bad happened to them.  Even through my pain and bitterness I kept them in my prayers and continue to pray for them.  While you cannot completely erase painful experiences from your memory it is getting easier to thinking about them without feeling angry.  Although at times I still talk about what took place I find myself talking more about what is currently happening in my life and leaving the past behind me… a past I can do nothing to change.  Lord, I know that healing still needs to take place but I am thankful for the road you have already taken me down. 

When we fail to deal with hurts God’s way, when we harbor resentment in our hearts, that bitterness – like an infection- will fester and work its way into our system, until ultimately we start viewing everything though the eyes of hurt- everything others do, everything that happens to us... The Devil always wins when we fail to forgive… when we refuse to forgive, he is given an opportunity to take advantage of us—to win arguments in our minds, to have his way in our relationships, and to desensitize our hearts to the Spirit’s voice. 

*** I know that for many months my system was infected with bitterness and resentment… it is only within the last week or so that I have found healing in this area.  I do not want the devil to have a foothold in my life or the ability to control my thought patterns.  Lord, soften my heart to your Spirit’s voice… only you can completely heal me from spiritual infections…

What if God only forgave me to the extent that I've been willing to forgive those who've sinned against me?

*** Lord, I am thankful that you forgave us even when we did not ask for such forgiveness or even seek it.  You forgave us when we were sinners living apart from you.  Help me to forgive others in the same way… even when they don’t seek it or ask for it… even when they think they have done nothing wrong.  Help me to forgive even though those who have chosen to live separated from us… help me to forgive in the same way you have forgiven me…. And not the other way around.