I am going through a booking called “Choosing
Forgiveness-Your Journey to Freedom” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. It is an area in my life that I am struggling
with… and this book has been very convicting.
I am going to share only some of the quotes that have impacted my life
as I study this book and my own heart. I
have not been able to completely forgive those who have hurt me… I am a work in
progress but it is my desire to forgive completely. I don’t want to go into the details of the
pain but I would love prayer as I walk through this journey towards
freedom.
“Many hearts are still wounded,
still bleeding, still suffering, still hearing the words, still seeing the
offenses, still having a hard time getting over what happened… Some hearts have been anesthetized; they have
become indifferent or detached, perhaps putting up walls to keep from getting
heart again… We can’t talk about forgiveness without acknowledging the reality
of pain.”
** I don’t know how many times I have replayed some of
the scenes over and over again in my head… heard the words… questioned what we
could have done differently if anything… tried to put up walls in hope of
keeping the pain out… it doesn't work. I
have come to realize that I have to acknowledge the pain and how much it hurt…
but at the same time I cannot set up camp there if I ever want to be free from
it. It is time to move on and find
healing…
“Everyone will get hurt… pain is
unavoidable in this fallen world. You
WILL be hurt, wronged, and offended by others… The outcome of our lives is not
determined by what happens to us but by how we respond to what happens to us.”
**I am not alone… just as others have offended me I know I
have offended others and for that I am sorry.
I know that some of what I am experiencing now is a result of some of my
actions towards others… does it make it any easier? No… it still hurts. But I cannot live in the past… I cannot let
others determine how I will live today.
I have learned a lot in these past couple years and I know that I will continue
to learn a lot in the future.
“There are essentially two ways of
responding to life’s hurts and unfair experiences. The first, natural response
is to become a debt collector. We set
out to make the offender pay for what he has done. Being a “debt collector” does more than keep
our offenders in debtor’s prison; it puts us in prison. Why should we be in “jail” for a crime
someone else had committed? As an
alternative to being debt collectors—the pathway to resentment and
retaliation—God calls us to pure, powerful choice of forgiveness—and to pursue,
wherever possible, the pathway of restoration and reconciliation.”
** How often have I become a debt-collector? How often have I put myself in prison trying
to collect those debts from others? I
have to choose to leave this prison behind… but the only way to do so is to
accept the gift of freedom that Jesus gave me when he died on the cross to
forgive my sins and offer that same forgiveness to others. I honestly don’t know if there will be
restoration and reconciliation… and if so how long it will take to have it… but
I do know that I can offer forgiveness and free myself from this prison.
“You can probably think of an event
in your own life when things got heated, the pot began to boil over, and the
next thing you knew… the damage had been done.
There was no going back. The
things that were said, the things that occurred—they forever changed your life.”
*** My life has definitely changed… there is no going back…
I don’t even want to go back to the way things were… but that doesn’t mean it
doesn’t hurt and I don’t miss some aspects of how it used to be. I do have regrets… and questions that will
probably never be answered…
“Not forgiving is like taking poison
and hoping someone else will die… the very weapon we use to inflict pain on our
offender becomes a sword turned inward on ourselves, doing far more damage to
us—and to those who love us—than those who have hurt us.”
** I know that I have fallen into the trap of swallowing
the poison and hoping it affected someone else… I even knew that I was the one
it was affecting and yet still I still do it… Lord, remove the poison from the
equation… I need you to bring about healing in a way that only you can do. I need you..!
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