Choosing Gratitude – Chapter 5 – Of Whiners and Worshipers

I am reading a book called “Choosing Gratitude – Your Journey to Joy”.  It is by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, the same author that wrote “Choosing Forgiveness” the study I did last year.  I am excited to see what God is going to teach me through this study… as I move on from just forgiving to learning to be grateful.  Like I did with “Choosing Forgiveness” I am going to share some of my favorite quotes (in red) and what God is teaching me through them.  

You can hardly be both.  Maybe in spots, maybe in seasons.  But throughout the balance of your life, one or the other will dominate the way you view and respond to most everything.  You will choose to either be thankful or unthankful, to recognize a blessing or to overlook it, to acknowledge a kindness or to mindlessly ignore it.  You decide.

Lord, help me to choose to see the blessings in life, to acknowledge the kindness of others and to be thankful for all things.  It is so easy to overlook the blessings and good in others… especially when I am focused on the trials but I don’t want to be the way that I am any longer. 

As I have already said- but can’t help repeating- we pay an incalculable price for our ingratitude.  After decades of ministry to hurting people, I have come to believe that a failure to give thanks is at the heart of much, if not most, of the sense of gloom, despair, and despondency that is so pervasive even among believers today.  I believe many of the sins that are plaguing and devastating our society can be traced back to that persistent root of unthankfulness that often goes undetected. 

How much of my pain is a result of not being thankful?  How often have I allowed sins to plague my life because of a root of unthankfulness?  Lord, you alone can pull out the roots of sin in my life and give me a fresh start.  Help me to start over with eyes that are quick to see your blessings and a heart that is full of thankfulness.

Six differences between grateful people and ungrateful people.

1) Better than I deserve – A grateful person is a humble person, while ingratitude reveals a proud heart – A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.  Pride is the father of ingratitude and the silent killer of gratitude.

Making it personal: Do you more often manifest a humble, grateful spirit, or a proud, self-sufficient, ungrateful heart?

Wow, I wish I could say I leaned more towards having a humble grateful spirit… but if I was to be honest I often allow pride and self-sufficiency to rule over me.  Lord, help me to lay down my pride at your cross.  Help me to realize all that I have is from you and that you provide not only everything I need but so much more. 

2) I only have eyes for you – A grateful heart is God-centered and others-conscious, while an ungrateful person is self-centered and self-conscious – Grateful people are loving people who seek to bless others, while ungrateful people are bent on gratifying themselves.  They tend to focus on “my needs,” “my hurts,” “my feelings,” “my desires,” “how I have been treated, neglected, failed and wounded.”  An unthankful person is full of himself, seldom pausing to consider the needs and feelings of others. 

Making it personal: Do you tend to be more focused on your own needs and feelings or on blessing and serving God and meeting the needs of others?

While I am pretty good at observing others and understanding how they are feeling I still think I lean more towards my own feelings and desires.  I know that in regards to the trials we faced awhile back I was completely self-focused.  I could only see the pain that I was experiencing.  Though at the same time I know that I am not perfect and I am sure I caused pain on others too.  While I don’t totally neglect the needs and feelings of others I spend more time self-focused. 

3) I’m full thank you – A grateful heart is a full heart, while an unthankful heart is an empty one – The difference between being full and empty is not usually between being rich or poor, at home or away, cupboards bursting at the seams or thinly lined with soup cans and Ramen noodles.  The difference is gratitude.  Ungrateful people are much like a container that has a hole in it, leaking out every blessing that’s been poured in, always needing something else, something new to consume for satisfaction fuel. 

Making it personal: Are you more prone to focus on what you wish you had (or didn’t have) or on the blessings you do have that are far greater than you deserve?  Do you have a full heart, or does your heart “leak out” the blessings God pours in, always needing something more to be satisfied?

I would have to say I am more focused on what I wish I had or didn’t have than the blessings I do have that are greater than I deserve.  More than anything I wish we didn’t have all the trials and constant battling… and I wish we had our own house.  But at the same time… I don’t need a lot of “things”… I am pretty content having older things.  Other than a house there isn’t a lot that I want in regards to possessions.  So, I don’t really need more things to be satisfied but I probably think that I need less battle and health issues.  Lord, help me to focus on the many blessings that you do pour out upon us… and not worry about the things that I can’t control.

4) Fine with me – People with grateful hearts are easily contented, while ungrateful people are subject to bitterness and discontent – I have spoken with many women who are chronically unhappy, “down,” or depressed.  The details vary, of course.  But I have become increasingly convinced, after lots of these kinds of conversations, that one of the chief reasons behind a pervasive sense of blues and blahness is a failure to be thankful.  Ungrateful people tend to hold tightly to their rights.  And when others fail to perform the way they want or expect them to, they feel justified in making demands and retaliating emotionally. 

Making it personal: As a rule, are you easily contented with what God provides, or do you find yourself resenting difficult circumstances or people and becoming demanding or depressed when others fail to meet your expectations?

I don’t think I am one that is constantly depressed… while I do get frustrated with the difficult circumstances we are facing I am also the one that has hope in the future and knows that these trials are temporary.  It is only when I get focused on the difficulties and consumed by them that I become more resentful.  This is an area that I think God has worked on my life in the past and has helped me to grow in so that I can be more thankful and less bitter. 

5) A sure cure for complaining – A grateful heart will be revealed and expressed by thankful words, while an unthankful heart will manifest itself in murmuring and complaining – Hear what people are saying when they talk about the everyday events of their lives, and you’ll see in an instant the difference between gratitude and ingratitude.

Making it personal: Do you spend more time counting and recounting your blessings or your problems?

This is a hard one to answer… when people ask for updates on what is going on with Matthew’s health, L&I and Social Security I am in a sense talking about all of our problems because it is constantly one battle after another.  But I don’t spend all day focused on this topic.  In fact, I would rather talk about the good things in life… a job that I love, working with the youth, traveling, etc.  I know that a couple years ago I was extremely focused on the trials… they were overwhelming but that is not my normal personality.  Lord, help me to be more verbal about my joy that is found in you and how thankful I am for all that you do for me… so much more than I deserve. 

6) I’ll take some of what she’s having – Thankful people are refreshing, life-giving springs, while unthankful people pull others down with them into stagnant pools of their selfish, demanding, unhappy ways – I’ve acknowledged my natural “bent” is to react to people and life’s circumstances in a negative way.  When asked how I’m doing, the first thing that pops into my head is often a burden I’m carrying, a hurt I’m harboring, or a deadline I’m working under.  We all know what it’s like to be around people who consistently view life through a negative lens… but before I begin to pour my problems into anyone else’s lap, I want to share first how good God is and how blessed I am to be called one of His children.  Ingratitude is toxic.  It poisons the atmosphere in our homes and workplaces.  It contaminates hearts and relationships.  Gratitude is equally as contagious as its evil twin.  If you’re sick and tired of living in a home where all joy and beauty has been sucked out through negative, unappreciative words and attitudes, you can make a change.

Making it personal: What impact does your spirit have on those around you?  Are they refreshed and encouraged by your thankful spirit?  Or are they weighed down by your negative, ungrateful words and attitude?

Lord, often the first thing that pops into my head is the negative side, the trials, the burdens… I don’t want to be the person who is known for always being negative.  I want others to see thankfulness shine through me and be encouraged my thankful spirit even in the midst of the trials we are enduring.  It is only through Your Spirit that I can make this change.  Please be at work in me.