Missionary or Astronaut...

So I am reading a book called Re-Entry which explains what I am feeling and going through so much better than I ever could. It compares the whole process to an astronaut returning to earth. So, I’m just going to give you some of the quotes from the book… maybe it will help you to understand me better.

“Can re-entry really be that devastating? What could go wrong? After all, a missionary is returning home to friends and family who love and support him. What could the problem be?”
The various areas that an astronaut faces in the return to earth which is comparable to a missionaries return to the home culture are: Heat build-up, the zone of silence, gravity, and disorientation.

Heat build-up: The heat could either be external (people’s lack of interest or misunderstanding of what you were doing) or could be internal (not knowing how to respond to people correctly).

The zone of silence: This process can last from just a couple months to years. It occurs in two areas. 1) You are leaving behind a support structures and friends that have nurtured you while you are away. One must then establish a new support structure upon returning home. Until you do so the silence is deafening. 2) Silence can creep into your devotional life. Instead of drawing you closer to God, re-entry stress pushes you away from Him, and you are forced with the challenge of bearing the re-entry process alone.

Gravity kicks in: The ministry pressures on the field are different from those you will face at home. At home you will have expectations of your family, your church, and your culture to deal with. This added “gravity” may express itself through feelings of loneliness, periods of depression, anger or sadness.

Disorientation: One loses one’s perception of time, place or personal identity. You have such a different environment that you are no longer sure of their bearings when they return home and feel out of place in an environment that is supposed to be ‘home’.

Another comparison that many use for this process is that of a death. All of the feelings that one goes through when they lose a loved one are the same feelings a missionary goes through when they return home. Sometimes these feelings are overwhelming and all-consuming.

I think that is enough for today… hopefully this will help you to understand what is going on inside of me. Many times I don’t share for multiple reason but the main one is that when I am having a difficult time I have a hard time expressing what I am feeling because I don’t understand it myself and those feelings can change in a matter of minutes.