November was a month full of emotions. I feel like in a sense it was one in which I was able to turn a corner somewhat. A weight was lifted from my shoulders to some degree… and although everything didn’t go back to normal… and I knew that they wouldn’t… I had an idea of what direction they were going for the first time in months. I was finally able to start the process of moving forward. I think one of the hardest things as I started moving forward was the realization that the person who hurt me so deeply has not once made an effort to apologize or acknowledge that she did anything wrong… I can’t grasp how she justifies it, but I honestly believe that she doesn’t think she did anything wrong and it blows my mind. I’m still in the process of grieving a friendship and seeking new ones to replace it.
I was pushed too far... now I am having to regain my sense of control...
Of course, humor also helps… so I continued to find memes on Facebook and share my favorites with others when I do find them.
I'm not feeling very friendly these days...
One night, I was lying in bed looking at
Facebook and I saw pictures of the Northern Lights… so I raced outside to see
if we could see them from our house. I was pleasantly surprised to see them
from my spot. They were so beautiful that I went and found Cooper and had him
come outside and enjoy them with me. He enjoyed the experience…
As I mentioned last month, Matthew has been slowly getting me used to the idea of switching churches. He really wanted me to have a women’s group to support me. Unfortunately, the church we were attending did not have an active women’s ministry in the evenings. They had an event a few times a year but that was it. The majority of the events occurred during the day when I was working… which made it really hard to connect with the other women. They also did not have a women’s weekend away the entire time we had been attending the church. I didn’t have the capacity to start a new event or plan something myself, but I need to be around other women.
We also got reconnected with one of my
friends from my youth. I played soccer with Jaelynn when I was in 5th
grade and then went to school with her when we were teenagers. We graduated together
from Kentridge and then participated in the same young adults’ program at
Faith. Her husband Kory and I went to youth group together so I also knew him
well and knew that he would get along great with Matthew.
While we were in Europe, they started going
to the church I always called the “Rolling Golf Course” church or the “Barn
Church”… since when we moved into my house when I was a youth it was a golf
course but years later it became a church. I never paid any attention to the
name of it. We decided to attend church with them the first Sunday in November.
Unfortunately, we waited so long because the following weekend was the Women’s
Retreat and I didn’t have time to get connected and go… but there is always
next year.
We enjoyed the sermon and atmosphere,
so we returned the following week, and I found out about the Women’s Bible Study
on Monday nights and attended the next day. The group was so welcoming, and I
instantly felt at home. It is hard for me to switch churches, but sometimes you
know the decision is the right one. No one from my old church ever reached out
to find out where we were or what was going on… with everything I had going on
already, I had to process that as well. I knew that I couldn’t keep carrying
everything on my own. I need support… I need a group of women who will help me
carry my burdens and who I can lift up in prayers and encourage.
So, now we are officially going to New
Community Church in Maple Valley. It feels amazing to have a friend that will
text me on Sunday morning to see if I am coming or text me to let me know they
missed me if we are not able to make it. I am so excited to see how God uses
this change to continue to bless us and draw us closer to Him.
The weekend before Thanksgiving our
long-awaited Women’s Weekend Away finally arrived. Jaelynn, Fawn, Cassie and I
were finally going away to the ocean together. We first started talking about
this on the movie night in September and then we created a messenger group to
continue planning it. I love little escapades like this where we can just get
away and relax for the weekend.
It was a much-needed weekend away for all of us for different reasons. Jaelynn was kind enough to drive us all since she had the biggest vehicle. We split the cost of the house on the beach and bought a bunch of food to share. We wanted simple meals to eat and snacks throughout the weekend.
We got into town a little before we were allowed into the AirBnB and it was on a timed lock, so we parked and took a walk down to the beach. The weather may not have cooperated with us for the weekend but at least it was not pouring down rain. I absolutely love the ocean and cold, windy weather was not going to stop me from enjoying it with girlfriends.
Pinecones have a lot of meaning for
our group… mainly of pranks that have been going on for years… starting back in
2017 or so when Jaelynn, Fawn, Katie and I were on a Women’s Retreat with Faith.
There was so much laughter and good times involved that the pinecones came back…
to bring about the same laughter and good times. Jaelynn in her sweet nature
also made us all gift bags for the weekend.
When we were finally able to get into
the house, we quickly unloaded the vehicle and then chose our rooms. Cassie
took the Master bedroom. Jaelynn and Fawn took the room that had two beds,
which left me in the other room with a single bed. I wasn’t too worried since I
was only going to be in the room to sleep.
After getting our rooms set up, we gathered some snacks and then played some video games. I couldn’t handle Mario Cart for very long since it made me nauseas, but it was fun to visit with them while they played. We then laughed as we played a dancing game. There was so much laughter all weekend, which is what I needed after so many months of stress and pain. We also shared about life… what was going on in our current life and a little more about our past. It is crazy to think how much you don’t know about someone you grew up with… how much pain people hide in their life. So often, people put on a smile, and it appears as if everything is hunky dory but behind closed doors it may not be. I was reminded just how much I was blessed with the family I grew up with.
After playing video games and visiting
we decided to watch a movie. Partway through, we put dinner in the oven and finished
the movie with dinner. Of course, there were also lots of snacks to eat as we
watched the movies. We finished the night playing a game of “Go Redneckin” a hilarious
version of the Game of Life. I ended up winning the game and having the most
teeth at the end.
Saturday was a super relaxing day. We
all ended up sleeping in and eating breakfast on our own when we woke up. After
we were all awake, we took another walk down to the ocean during one of the
rain breaks. Cassie was washing her clothes so she froze in her shorts on the beach…
and I forgot my coat at home so I froze as well… but once again… it was so worth
it to be able to hear the sound of the waves and just marvel at the power of
God.
We were able to get ahold of Susy and
Dan Jacobs since they lived so close to where we were staying. They were just
arriving back in town, so they stopped by to visit for a bit. They made recommended
that after dinner we drive down to the ocean and watch all the people clamming
with their flashlights on their heads… of course, we took them up on their
recommendations after lounging around the house all day. It was magnificent to
see all the lights in the distance. We then stopped their house for another
visit and to see Rachel and the family for a few minutes when they got home.
They were in town for a short visit and none of us had been able to see them
yet.
I loved that we were able to stay long
enough to hug them and the kids and hear a little about their ministry. God is
doing exciting things in their lives… with the expansion of the hospital and fulfilling
Rachel’s dream of teaching by building a small school. Matthew, Cooper, and I love
being able to support them and their ministry.
Sunday came way too quickly… and since
we were not able to extend our time at the AirBnB we decided to find things to
do in town before heading home. We visited the local lighthouse and ate lunch
at a seafood restaurant… which is something I try to do whenever I go to the
ocean. We then made our trip home… and I watched the game in the back seat
while we drove. It was sad to say goodbye, but I know that we will get together again
soon… especially since now I go to church with Jaelynn I will be seeing her a
lot more.
and after letting myself relax... I ended up getting sick!
While I was gone, the devotional from
my Monday night study arrived, so I had to play catch up. I had some extra time
because I also ended up getting sick, so I missed some time at work recovering…
I guess it is a good thing I didn’t have any parents that wanted to do
conferences since I was out sick that day. I did go back the last day before Thanksgiving
Break. I’m just grateful that I started feeling better before Thanksgiving and
we didn’t have to cancel our plans.
On Thanksgiving Day, Chris and Sarah
came over with the kids. They brought the majority of the main course. I ended
up only doing a couple sides and easy things like pickles, olives, and rolls. It
was perfect since my energy level was low after being sick at the beginning of
the week. It was a very relaxing day of eating, visiting, and playing a game to
end the day.
The next day, we did round two and
invited German, Mariah and the kids over as well as the Dellicker’s and Erin
and her daughters. It was originally planned so that Mason could see everyone
during his home stay. He only had four days at home until graduation in a few
weeks and wanted to spend it with loved ones. Matthew tried to do a bonfire for
him, but it had been raining too much and everything was so wet that after a
minute the fire went out.
with Mason
We ended the month with a visit from
Alyssa and the kids. I was able to get my fix of cuddles with the kids. Hudson is
getting so big… standing and crawling everywhere. God has been blessing Alyssa and
providing direction and next steps for her. She is looking into getting a place
of her own with the kids. It’s going to be a lot of work as a single mother,
but I know that she has what it takes. She has a lot of drive and passion for
those kids… plus an army praying for her.
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