Long before Covid-19 hit Matthew and I planned a trip to Florida
to see his father… he wanted to go because he said, “It may be the last time I
get to see him”. little did we know at
the time how true these words might be. We
decided to still go on the trip since it was important for Matthew to see his
father. He had rebuilt a relationship
with his father about 6 or 7 years ago and we have made multiple trips to
Florida to see him and he came to see us a couple times. Things had been going well but sometimes life
turns on a dime…
The trip down was pretty uneventful… everyone in the airport and
airplane was pretty much masked up (unless they were eating). We had people help us through the airports,
so I didn’t have to worry about all of the luggage as we went through security
since Matthew always gets pulled away for special clearance. Even though we took a red-eye I didn’t sleep
on the way down, instead I took a nap once we got to Florida and went to bed
earlier to change my schedule.
The first couple days of the trip went great. During the day, I was able to have my quiet time in the sunroom which is my favorite room in the house. We spent the evenings visiting with Doug after he got home from work. Lora unfortunately was having a lot of migraines because of the weather (I sure know how those are after my stint in the fall/winter) so she would go to bed early.
On Friday, we went to hang out at the Tibbets for a few
hours. Since they live so close to Doug,
we always try to visit them when we are in the area. They moved to a new house with a pool, so we
enjoyed swimming and visiting. It was a
great afternoon.
Saturday plays in my mind over and
over again. I wonder what we could have
done differently… if anything. The day
started out great… Doug made us breakfast and then we headed to the beach for
the afternoon. It was peaceful sitting
on the beach, and everyone really kept their distance… nothing like the news
portrays. Unfortunately, we ended up
getting stuck on the beach since another truck was stuck on the pathway and
blocking it. Doug and Matthew got out
and pushed our rental while I was in the driver seat. We were able to get unstuck and ended up just
waiting until the truck got off the path before we tried to go again. Of course, this resulted in Matthew being in
a lot of pain so on the drive home he snapped at his Dad… though he was quick
to apologize. We thought things were good,
but I think his Dad held onto that because things escalated throughout the
night. I won’t go into all the details,
but his father did bring up things Matthew did when he was a child… and was
upset that Matthew had not apologized for things he had done… things Matthew
didn’t even know he wasn’t supposed to do.
That night I fell asleep listening to
my husband in tears. I prayed that God
would guide Matthew’s decision in what to do and we would have clarity. In the morning we packed up and decided to
leave. Doug cornered me before I left… to
be honest I don’t remember much that was said but I do remember telling him
that he was wrong to throw Matthew’s childhood in his face. Anyone that knows Matthew, knows that his
childhood was hell…
I have had many conversations with Doug,
and he has made it perfectly clear that if a relationship does not bring him
encouragement that he wipes his hands and walks away… I also know my husband
and how hurt that he is right now… my heart is heavy too and while I will
forgive Doug for the pain he caused us I know that it will take a miracle from
God to restore the relationship again.
When we left his house, we had two
choices… we could go to a hotel until our flight home… I knew that if we did
this then we would not leave the room except to eat and that it would be a very
depressing end to our trip. The other
option was to go to the Tibbets house and visit them and see where things went
from there. We opted to go to the
Tibbets since Jen had mentioned coming over on Sunday… we showed up on their
doorstep and they graciously let us in with open arms.
We had a lot of fun getting to know
them better the last couple days of our trip.
It was such a blessing. God knew
exactly what we needed. We talked, we
laughed, we swam, we took them out to dinner, and we just relaxed. It was a blessing to be able to spend the
time with them and we look forward to future visits.
Anyone who knows me… knows that I hate
conflict. It eats away at me… but after everything we have gone through with
Matthew’s family it is so hard to reach out again… I have been hurt over and
over again by them only to have them deny having done anything wrong. Honestly, I don’t know what the right thing
to do is… I don’t know if it is time to put up boundaries, so I don’t get hurt
again… or try to continue to reach out and restore the relationship once
again. For now, I will continue to pray
for God for guidance and healing as we process the pain once again.
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